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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29281077">There are No Strings (to Hold Me Down)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Trust/pseuds/Scarlet_Trust'>Scarlet_Trust</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Penumbra Podcast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Blood and Injury, Depressive Episode, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Peter and Juno talk about their problems, Season 3, Sort Of, Surgery, Theia Spectrum, This ones heavy folks, but everyone's stronger for it, communication problems, implied/referenced drug addiction recovery, let Vespa swear 2021, spiralling thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:41:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29281077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlet_Trust/pseuds/Scarlet_Trust</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Recovery isn’t linear. Sometimes you fall backward. sometimes your partner spirals with you.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t keep moving forward. </p><p>Aka: After a very bad day, Juno and Nureyev talk about the Theia Spectrum.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Peter Nureyev/Juno Steel, Vespa Ilkay &amp; Juno Steel</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Man oh man, I’ve been mulling this one over for what feels like centuries. In fact, the first part of this was the first thing I ever wrote for penumbra!  But I was never able to…. Get anywhere with it. Until I realized it wasn’t so much writer's block, but me reaching beyond my normal skill level. Cause hurt/comfort? That’s my jam. But actually, making folks talk about their emotions? Way harder than anticipated.</p><p>So this is in that sweet, vague season 3 location. But mentally Juno spends a good part of this stuck in Promised Land part 2.  Cause Those episodes stuck with me something fierce. Also- I make absolutely NO claims to medical accuracy.  Beyond some emergency first aid training when I was a lifeguard, that knowledge is at zero. LMAO</p><p> But warning for trauma surgery take events taking place in a non surgical environment. And a blink and you’ll miss it reference to drug addiction recovery in part 2.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Vespa!”</p><p>The doors of the Carte Blanche’s shuttle had barely opened before Peter sprinted through them. He clipped his shoulder on edge of it. But the pain didn’t register. Buried somewhere between his burning legs and aching lungs.</p><p>Chest heaving, he threw out a hand to catch himself. It was the only thing that stopped him from crashing headfirst into the cargo bay’s metal walls. “Vespa!!”</p><p>“What the hell, Ransom?!”  Vespa climbed down the ladder from the shuttle’s cockpit. Her rumpled jacket looked like it had been thrown on in a great hurry. “What part of low profile do you not understand?”</p><p>It was a struggle to catch his breath. But there was no time. Peter straightened so he was no longer slumped against the wall. </p><p>Vespa gasped at the sight of him. Peter didn’t need to guess why. He could feel the way his shirt clung to his stomach- wet, tacky, and red. Stained beyond what even the most dedicated of cleaner could repair. So very red.</p><p>Fold it away.</p><p>He didn’t see when Vespa moved. He Didn’t even know she was touching him until she’s  lifting his shirt with a medical efficiency.“Where are you hurt?”</p><p>He batted her hands away, “Not me!”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Jet barrelled into the cargo hold. His normally stoic features were splattered with blood. Clutched in his arms, limp and barely awake was Juno.  He had one arm wrapped around Jet’s neck.  Peter’s belt was cinched ruthlessly tight around his thigh. Just above the makeshift bandage that did little to contain the ragged piece of metal that jutted from his leg.</p><p>Blood dripped onto the floor.</p><p>“Shit! Get him over here, now!” Vespa barked, kicking boxes out of the way as Peter pulled the shuttle’s only cot down from the wall. It was a tiny, narrow thing, with a synth wool blanket and machine pressed sheets. It looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. Hardly an acceptable substitute for the sterilized surfaces of a Medbay. Peter didn’t want to think about it. Pickiness wasn’t a luxury they could afford.</p><p>Juno groaned as he was lowered onto the bed. He clutched at the rough blankets, the material pulled taught between his fingers. His head slammed back against the pillow.</p><p>“Oh don’t be so dramatic Darling,” Peter crouched by Juno’s side. He pried Juno’s fingers free of the sheets, holding them tight. “It’s barely more than a scratch.”</p><p>“You saw the giant hunk of metal sticking out of my leg, right?” Juno bit out from between clenched teeth. His face was so clammy it shone and his nails dug gouges into Peter’s palms. But he was awake and he was aware. Right now that was the only thing Peter cared about. “I think I get to be dramatic.”</p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Peter said. “Just hold on a while longer”</p><p>Vespa darted around them, her medical kit splayed out on the floor. She grabbed a hypospray and jabbed it without warning into Juno’s hip. He grunted as it hissed, injecting its contents into his bloodstream.</p><p>“What the hell, Vespa!” Juno twisted around to glare at their resident doctor. Who glared right back at him as she snapped on a pair of gloves.</p><p>‘Would somebody please tell me what in Mercy’s name happened down there?” Buddy demanded as she climbed down the ladder into the chaos below. Rita followed at her heels, pale and shaking. “This should have been an easy sale. Parker’s an old friend.”</p><p>“And remains a loyal one.” Jet confirmed, steady as always in the wake of a storm. But he didn’t turn around, his attention fixed on the narrow cot. “However, they would be wise to seek the company of better compatriots.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Rita asked, low and subdued. </p><p>“Someone tried to kill them,” Peter said. It was a struggle to keep his voice neutral. His hands trembled. He tried to hide it. Focusing on running his thumb across the back of Juno’s hand. Gentle, overlapping circles. “There was a bomb in their vehicle. We thought we were out of range of the blast. But….”</p><p>“But Juno was hit by the shrapnel.” Jet finished as Peter’s voice cracked.</p><p>“Oh, Mistah Steel.” Rita sobbed, hand flying to her mouth.</p><p>Peter clenched his teeth. If you asked him, the entire mission had been doomed from the start. </p><p>They had just come back from a rather lucrative heist on Nereid. But the take had proven hotter than any of them were comfortable with. Peter had suggested a fence in the outer rim. One he had worked with in the past. A little further away perhaps; and a slightly smaller profit. But certainly preferable to a backwoods deal in the belt.</p><p>But the Captain had sworn by this Parker individual. A buyer that Peter had never even heard of. But they shared a past with Buddy and Vespa. And that was apparently good enough. </p><p>So here they were. Stuck on an asteroid so small they couldn’t even land the Carte Blanche on it. And in the end, it hadn’t even mattered. In the chaos after the explosion, they had to abandon the Nereid take. Same with the Creds that Parker had promised. And Juno’s leg wouldn’t stop bleeding. Even after Jet had pulled the tourniquet so tight that he had screamed. </p><p>Fold it away, Peter. </p><p>“Shrapnels nicked his damn femoral artery. Good thing you didn’t take it out. it’s probably the only thing stopping him from bleeding out.” Vespa said, probing the piece of metal. Juno cried out, trying to twist away from her touch. </p><p>Peter snagged his shoulders to keep him still. “Aren’t you going to put him under?” </p><p>“With what?!” Vespa snapped back. She ripped open Juno’s shirt to attach a row of sensors to his chest. On the floor, her comms began to beep in time to Juno’s heart. “Not rocking a full Medbay in case you haven’t noticed. Pain blockers are all I’ve got!”</p><p>Juno gasped, neck arching as his head rolled back on the pillow. Then all at once, the tension uncoiled from his limbs. Peter could only watch as Juno melted boneless into the bed. His eye fluttered closed. </p><p>“No, no, no! Don’t you dare.” Peter tapped his cheek with increasing force. This couldn’t be happening. “Stay awake for me now, come on.”</p><p>“Still here,” Juno slurred. His eye fluttered open. But it was no longer focusing like it should have been. He reached up to touch Peter’s face but missed by a mile. Peter caught his flailing hand, and raised to his lips.“I feel weird.” </p><p>“That would be the meds,” Vespa said as she grabbed a pair of forceps. “You shouldn’t be feeling much of anything from the waist down. But this is still going to suck.”</p><p>“I’ll try anything once.”</p><p>Face grim, Vespa nodded. She turned to look at Jet. “I need you to hold him down.” She said. “Ransom, keep him calm.”</p><p>Peter moved to give Jet room, standing behind Juno’s head. Jet loomed over the bed, his large hands dwarfing Juno’s shoulders as they pinned him down. Juno’s face twisted in discomfort. But he didn’t complain about the added pressure. And that worried Peter more than it had any right to.</p><p>Juno tilted his chin back, looking up at Peter. “Hey there, Handsome.” He said, giving Peter a shaky grin. “You good?” </p><p>“Hey there yourself.” Peter tried to smile back. He ignored the question entirely as he brushed a sweat heavy curl away from Juno’s forehead. “Try and relax, my dear detective. We’ll have you sorted soon enough.”</p><p>“Oh gag me. I said keep him calm, not give the rest of us cavities.” Vespa sneered, but the words lacked her normal bite. “You ready Steel?”</p><p>“Just do it.”</p><p>There was a moment where Peter honestly thought they had this handled. His goddess had survived far worse than a flimsy piece of metal after all. A few days rest and Juno would be back to his surly self in no time. There was a moment when Peter let himself think that everything would be fine.</p><p>Vespa pulled the piece of metal free.<br/>
And the moment shattered. </p><p>It clattered to the floor. Peter didn’t have the chance to see where it landed. For as Vespa predicted, the moment it was free Juno’s leg began to well and truly bleed. </p><p>The heart rate monitor screeched. It was barely audible over the sound of Vespa’s cursing. </p><p>Juno’s eye snapped open wide. He cried out and tried to twist away. Only to be held in place by Jet’s unyielding grip on his shoulders. </p><p>“You’re hurting him!” Peter shouted.</p><p>“There’s no way he felt that,” Vespa said, her hands a flurry of movement as she tried to control the bleeding. “Damn it Jet, keep him still.”</p><p>“It’s okay Love. Just breathe.” Peter said as Jet pressed down with all of his considerable weight. Juno only struggled harder, thrashing as his head rocked from side to side. “It’ll be over soon. I promise.”</p><p>He rubbed the back of his knuckles down Juno’s cheek. He had hoped the familiar action would provide at least some degree of comfort.  But Juno jerked his head away. </p><p>His eyes darting around the room. Never staying in the same place for more than a moment. His lips narrowed into a thin, bloodless line as his chin trembled. Not in pain, Peter realized. But fear.</p><p>Juno was terrified.</p><p>“Hush now, Darling. You’re alright, shhhhh,” Peter soothed, stroking his hair. Juno hated the sight of blood at the best of times. Coupled with the experience of being awake while Vespa stitched him back together? Peter couldn’t imagine what must have been going through his mind. “Vespa’s almost done, I promise. You just have to hold on a little bit longer. Can you do that for me?”</p><p>“Let go of me.” Juno spat, as he tried to yank his arms free.</p><p>“I cannot do that.” Jet grunted as Juno’s elbow flew into his stomach. He shifted his grip and pinned Juno’s arms down to his sides. “You must remain still if Vespa is to help you.”</p><p>“I said let go of me damn it!”</p><p>“He’s losing too much blood,” Vespa said. Her eyes darted between her patient and the vitals flashing on the screen of her comms. “Ransom, you have to calm him down. I can’t work with him moving around!”</p><p>“Juno, look at me.” Peter pressed his hands to the sides of Juno’s head, holding it in place. He stared down at Juno’s sallow face. “Just at me, Love. That’s it. I know you’re scared. But you have to let us help you.”</p><p>“No!” Juno spat, the tendons in his neck straining. “I won’t let you do this!”</p><p>The heart rate monitor continued to scream.</p><p>“Listen to me!” Peter pleaded “You have to calm down. Do you understand me?”</p><p>“Let me move, damn it!” Juno struggled harder, kicking out with his free leg. His heel drummed against the bed. Buddy grabbed it and pinned it down. “I won’t give up control. I won’t let you!”</p><p>“Give up control?” Peter asked. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>“You need my permission!” Juno snarled to the ceiling. “I won’t give you control. Do you get me? I won’t!”</p><p>“Nobody’s asking you to give up anything, Darling.” Buddy attempted to mollify. “You’re perfectly safe.”</p><p>“It’s no use, Bud. He’s confused.” Vespa said as she grabbed more gauze from her kit. “Blood leaves the brain first.”</p><p>It was the wrong thing to say, as a pained whine whistled its way out from between Juno’s clenched teeth. “Piranha?” He mumbled, trying to sit up as he looked around the room. “No. No way. I watched you die.”</p><p>The sharp tang of iron had taken over the tiny cargo hold. Peter didn’t need to look to know that Juno was losing far too much blood, far too quickly. </p><p>The thigh was a bad place to take a hit. Peter had seen it before, knew exactly how to angle his knife to make it happen. Left untreated a grown adult would bleed out in minutes. Confusion always set in long before that. Though what role a Terran fish played in Juno’s delusions, Peter could only guess.</p><p>“Get out of my head!” Juno shouted. He bucked wildly, one arm ripping free of Jet’s death grip. It struck Peter in the nose. </p><p>He staggered back with a grunt, hands flying up to protect his face. His eyes watered uncontrollably as his nose throbbed. It didn’t feel broken, but Peter knew it would leave a mark.</p><p>Juno clawed desperately at Jet’s other hand, trying to pull free. Peter jumped back into the fray, grabbing Juno’s shoulders as Buddy pressed down his leg. Jet was finally able to pin down his hand. Between the three of them, Juno could do little more than writhe. </p><p>“ you can’t take over without user permission. Let me go!”</p><p>“Damn it,” Vespa said. “He’s going to bleed out if you can’t calm him down.”</p><p>‘We’re trying, Darling.” Buddy said voice strained with effort. “But I don’t believe that’s entirely possible right now.”</p><p>“Juno, Listen to me!” Peter leaned over the bed, his face scant inches from Juno’s. Until it was the only thing Juno would be able to see. His nose throbbed. “Whatever you think is happening, it isn’t real. There’s no one in your head.”</p><p>Juno stilled. A brief flash of lucidity, as his red washed eyes focused on Peter’s face. </p><p>“Juno?” Peter asked, stroking his cheek, “are you with me?”</p><p>Juno’s terror-filled expression twisted into something darker. Grief-stricken. </p><p>“Don’t go.” He pleaded as tears ran rivers down his cheek. He wasn’t fighting them anymore, but Juno kept trying to free his hand. His eye never left Peter’s. And Peter didn’t know what to do with this sudden change. He could only watch as Juno seemed to fall apart in front of him. “I won’t give up control. I’m not a dog, I promise. Don’t leave me here, please.”</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” Peter whispered, knocking their foreheads together. Juno’s chest hitched with the force of his sobs. “You’ll never be rid of me. Not as long as you want me here. “</p><p>Juno seized. Peter jerked back, just in time to avoid getting hit in the face again. </p><p>“Give up control.” Juno hissed, the spell breaking as he began to fight once more. His struggles were weaker than before. Losing energy as his body began to shut down. Peter felt the icy grip of panic dig in a little deeper. “Give up control to the Theia Soul. Give up control.”</p><p>“Juno, please. Stop!”</p><p>“Move it, Mistah Ransom!”</p><p>Peter stumbled as a small pair of hands shoved him aside. Rita dragged a crate over to the side of the bed, climbing onto it to lean over Juno. She framed his face with her hands, trapping it between them.</p><p>“Boss, I got something important to say.” Rita peered down at him, her glasses slipping down the bridge of her nose. “So it’s super important that you listen to me okay?”</p><p>“Rita!” Juno cried as soon as he saw her. “Rita, it’s not safe. You have to leave. The Theia, it’s taking over. I can’t move!”</p><p>“No it’s not, Boss,” Rita said. She looked so small, balanced on the crate. Peter hovered a step behind. Prepared to catch her when Juno’s panicked thrashing knocked her off her perch.</p><p>But it didn’t happen. Instead, Juno collapsed into the bed, a frantic sob caught between his teeth. “It’s not safe here. It’s going to take control.”</p><p>“The Theia’s gone now.” Rita reminded him. “We got rid of it; you and me.”</p><p>“Why can’t I move?” Juno moaned. He gave one more attempt to pull free. But it’s half-hearted at best. Whatever strength panic had granted him before was long since gone. “It’s controlling me. Like It did in the dome.”</p><p>“It’s not though!” Rita held his face tighter, squishing his cheeks so Juno couldn’t look away. And Juno didn’t fight it. Not like he had with Peter. Rita always knew the perfect thing to say. Whereas Peter had only made everything worse. “We broke it; real good. Took down the whole tower. Remember?”</p><p>“Almost there,” Vespa said, not looking up from the glow of her laser. Nureyev doubted she even knew who she was talking to. “Whatever you’re doing, keep it up.”</p><p>Rita kept talking. A seemingly endless stream of chatter that filled the room. Peter knew that Juno was still scared. The frenzied rhythm of his heart evidence enough of that. </p><p>But he stopped struggling. Staring up at her with a look of wonder. As if the sound of her voice alone was was enough to keep him calm. So different than his reaction to Peter.</p><p>“Got it!” Vespa crowed triumphant, followed by the rhythmic pulse of an automatic stitcher. </p><p>Juno lost consciousness as soon as she finished. Stable. At least for now. Vespa tossed the stitcher down and fell back into her seat. Buddy pulled her close, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. </p><p>“Wonderful work, Vespa Darling.” </p><p>“Yeah…” Vespa huffed out a shaky breath and leaned back against Buddy’s embrace. Just for a moment, she closed her eyes. “How far are we from the Carte Blanche.”</p><p>“10 minutes,” Jet replied.</p><p>Vespa grunted. She dragged a hand through her already messy green hair. “Right. Steel’s not out of the woods until I can get him in the Medbay. He needs a transfusion at least. And a metric shit-tonne of antibiotics.”</p><p>“Well then, let’s see if we can’t shave a few minutes off that estimate,” Buddy said. Jet nodded, already halfway up the ladder to the cockpit. “Rita, why don’t you see if there’s anything you can do to help.”</p><p>“Yes Ma’am!” </p><p> Peter watched her leave. But he made no effort to move. Instead, he stood by Juno’s head; just out of reach. He could see every shallow breath that Juno struggled to take. And even though Vespa had shut it off, he could still hear the wailing echo of the heart rate monitor. Bloody gauze was all over the floor. </p><p>Peter folded it all away. He focused on keeping his breathing slow and steady. A task that seemed to require his full attention. In the distance, he could hear the others talking. But it was like listening to a stream playing in another room. A blur of meaningless sounds. </p><p>His fingers were tacky as he rubbed them together. He could feel the blood caked into every line. It’s difficult to resist the instinct to hide them in his pockets. But the thought of getting any more of Juno’s blood on his clothes is unbearable. </p><p>“Pete?”</p><p>Peter started. Not realizing that Buddy had been trying to speak to him. Judging from the look on her face, this wasn’t her first attempt at getting his attention. </p><p>“Yes, Captain?” </p><p>“I know I’m not going to be able to keep you away from our Detective’s bedside.” She said, thankfully not commenting on his previous lapse of attention. She touched his elbow. Hardly more than a ghost of contact. Peter felt it like a brand. “I know better than to try at this point. But maybe when we get back, a shower would do you some good? Some clean clothes perhaps?”</p><p>“Ahhh. yes.” He managed to say. Forcing himself to look away from Juno and down at his ruined shirt. Ransom would give Buddy a reassuring smile to prove that everything was fine. But Peter could only manage a grimace. He worried at the stain with his thumb. His hands trembled. “He does so hate the sight of blood. Delicate thing. I wouldn’t want to scare him.”</p><p>“Peter…”</p><p>“If you’ll excuse me.” He heard himself say, far too brisk to be considered polite. He pushed past her, overwhelmed by the need to be anywhere but here. But there’s nowhere else to go. he’s trapped on this tiny shuttle. “I’ll go make sure everything stored for takeoff, shall I?”</p><p>Fold it away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>And it’s done. This one was difficult you guys, but I’m rather proud of how it turned out in the end. Let me know what you think?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As a rule, the Medbay was never silent.</p><p>There was always some piece of medical equipment humming along in the background. Working in tandem with the gentle rumble of the Carte Blanche’s engines. By now, Juno was used to it. The autonomous drone had become little more than ambience. Even if he had a sneaking hunch that Vespa turned on the loudest things in the room just to annoy him.</p><p>The med bay was never silent.<br/>
But it had never been this quiet.</p><p>Laying flat on his back on the uncomfortable bed, Juno stared up at the metal-plated ceiling. His mouth was dry, and the sheets were scratchy. Everything felt heavy in a way that could only mean he was on the wrong side of some pretty high tier painkillers. He was also completely alone.</p><p>Waking up in the med bay hadn’t been a shock. His memories of the asteroid were a little hazy. But he remembered the blast; The heat of it licking at his heels. He remembered the searing pain in his leg as Nureyev screamed his name.</p><p>But Nureyev wasn’t here. </p><p>The thought sat like a lead weight. Juno rocked his head to the side. Even that much movement felt like a marathon’s worth of effort. The chair next to his bed was empty. There was a glass of water on the bedside table. The only sign that someone else had been in the room. Next to it, just within reach, was his eyepatch.</p><p>Juno slipped it on gratefully, rubbing a hand across the smooth black fabric. It was enough to make him feel halfway human. </p><p>Or at least it was until he tried to sit up. He barely made it past the pillow. Liquid lightning raced down his leg to the very tips of his toes. And he collapsed back onto the bed with a gasp.</p><p>“Okay, bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea.”</p><p>Juno squeezed his eyes tight as he tried to ride out the waves of pain. Whatever Vespa had dosed him with was already wearing off. And that was a train of thought he wanted absolutely nothing to do with.</p><p>Instead, he pulled back the blankets to survey the damage. Someone had filched a pair of sweatpants from his closet. But one leg had been shorn well above the knee to make room for the thick swath of blankets wrapped around his thigh. </p><p>“Great,” Juno groused, letting the blanket fall back. His voice echoed in the cavernous room. The quiet was getting to him. Burrowing its way under his skin and into his nerves. He kept talking if only to fill the void. “Good going Steel. Well done.”</p><p>There was red on the bandage. Juno’s stomach flipped at the sight. He looked away. And found himself staring at the empty chair. </p><p>Was it silly that he had expected Nureyev to be there? Fretting like he always did whenever Juno did something dumb enough to warrant a trip to medical? Juno swallowed thickly, fighting down a wave of emotion that had his stomach dancing around his kidneys. Nureyev had always been there when Juno woke up. Always. </p><p>So why not now?</p><p>The sale had gone badly, yeah. But it’s not like that was Juno’s fault. It’s not like he could dodge a bomb.  That had to count for something right? Nureyev couldn’t be mad.</p><p>And then it came to him. The memories piecing together like the embarrassing morning after a drink too many. The Theia. </p><p>Juno groaned, digging his palms into his forehead. He had really messed this one up, hadn’t he? </p><p>The lead weight grows heavier. Settling into his bones and pressing him down into the mattress. Juno hadn’t told the other’s everything that had happened with the Theia. Most of it, definitely. He had told them about Ramses and the Souls. He was working on sharing those kinds of things. And Rita had been there for most of it. So there was no point in hiding that part.</p><p>But the Spectrum? And everything that had happened with Pereyra and the Dome? It still felt too raw, too personal to try and talk about. Jet and Buddy knew bits and pieces of course. But not the whole story. Juno had wanted time before he started to unpack those memories, let alone talk about it with others. But now everyone knew. Nureyev knew.</p><p>That’s why he wasn’t here, wasn’t it? It made sense really. That he wouldn’t want to face Juno right now. After a freak out like that, Juno didn’t blame him. Nobody needed that much of a close up of Juno’s breathtaking screw-up.</p><p>Juno grit his teeth and threw off the blanket. He couldn’t stay here. That much he knew for certain. He had to leave. Find some dark corner of the ship to hide in for the foreseeable future. Preferably before he was forced to look any of his crew-mates in the eye.</p><p>His leg disagreed. Loudly. </p><p>Juno fell back to the bed with a gasp. Just as the medbay door opened with a mechanical hiss. </p><p>Juno looked up. He half expected to see Nureyev standing in the doorway with breakfast in his hand and an apology on his lips. But it was only Vespa. He tried to hide his disappointment. It wasn’t hard as his leg violently continued to pulse out its displeasure. </p><p>‘Yeah, I wouldn’t be trying that one yet, you idiot.” Vespa said, taking a large swig of her coffee. Her hair was still damp from the shower, and there were dark circles beneath her eyes. Juno knew better than to comment on it. “About time you woke up.”</p><p>“That bad, huh?” </p><p>“Figured that out did you?” Vespa grabbed the chair and dragged it over to the end of the bed. “Pass me your leg. I gotta make sure you didn’t mess up all my hard work.”</p><p>Juno did as he was bid, staring at the ceiling as Vespa unwound the bandages. He had no interest in seeing what lay beneath. </p><p>“The healing booster I gave you seems to have taken; finally.” She said. “But you need to stay off that leg for a bit.”</p><p>“Lucky me.” </p><p>“Extremely lucky,” Vespa snapped as she wrapped his leg back up. “That’s one hell of a bad place to take a shot.”</p><p>“Yeah, well. That’s me in a nutshell; Lucky.” Juno said. He took another pass at sitting up. Now that he knew what to expect, the pain was manageable enough. “The others make it out alright? Where’s Ransom?”</p><p>“How should I know?” Vespa said. “You’re the only one who knows where he is at the best of times. And trust me, this didn’t qualify as a good time.”</p><p>The knot of shame twisted a little tighter. </p><p>‘What’s that supposed to mean.” He asks as blithely as he can manage. And maybe it’s masochistic, but he needed to know just how badly he screwed up. At least that way he could at least try to clean up whatever disaster he’s managed to create.</p><p>“It means that between the massive blood loss and the painkillers, you were more than a little out of it,” Vespa said, blunt in a way that Juno appreciated and dreaded in equal measures. “But last time I checked, memory loss wasn’t a side effect of anything I gave you. So I’m guessing you already knew that.”</p><p>Juno ducked his head- fiddling with the patched edge of the blanket he was sitting on. </p><p>‘That’s what I thought,” Vespa rolled her eyes, before getting up to dig through one of the medbay’s storage cabinets. Logically Juno knows that she’s searching for something important. But he can’t quite shake the feeling she’s trying to get away from him.</p><p>“Ransom was here. If that’s what’s got you so messed up.” Vespa said as the silence between them grows to unbearable levels. “He was here most of the night. Left a couple of hours ago.”</p><p>Juno looked at the bedside table. Someone had left him that glass of water. The same someone who had made sure Juno could reach his eyepatch without having to sit up. The thought made him smile. Until a dark voice in the back of his mind reminded him that Nureyev had only done those things because he didn’t intend to be here when Juno woke up.</p><p>“Not going to lie, he looked like shit,” Vespa continued overtop of Juno’s spiralling thoughts. “Didn’t realize he had a setting besides smug asshole.”</p><p>‘Hey!”</p><p>“It’s true and you know it. Here.”</p><p>Vespa threw something at him. Juno tried to catch it, but it fell through his hands and into his lap instead. He scowled at the orange plastic container, peering suspiciously at its contents. </p><p>“Non-narcotic.” Vespa cut him off before he could protest. ‘But if it’s not working, you need to let me know.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah.”</p><p>“I”m not kidding Steel. There’s options we can discuss. Toughing it out just puts you at risk.”</p><p>“Fine.” Juno pocketed the container “Anything else?”</p><p>“Yeah, here.” Vespa reached back into the cabinet and dragged out a crutch. “Your new best friend.”</p><p>“Oh, you have got to be kidding me,” Juno said, lip curling as he stared down at the length of metal. He had watched Nureyev tauter around on the thing when his leg was broken. It was not an experience that Juno was particularly keen on sharing. “How long do I have to use this thing for.”</p><p>“Until I say you can stop,” Vespa snapped at him. “You’re the idiot who decided to get a hole punched through their leg.”</p><p>“You say that like I wanted to get shrapneled,” Juno complained. He inched towards the edge of the bed, and let his foot hover gingerly above the floor. Even brushing his toe against the ground caused his leg to tremble. There was no way it would support his weight.“You know what. fine, whatever. Give it here.”</p><p>Vespa rolled her eyes and passed him the crutch. With its help, Juno managed to lever himself upright. For a minute he was even able to keep some semblance of balance. But then he shifted his weight and wobbled dangerously.</p><p>Viper quick, Vespa latched onto his elbow as she pressed a steadying hand to his chest. “Watch it!” She hissed. “If you rip those stitches, you’re on your own.”</p><p>“I love our chats,” Juno said, struggling to rediscover his equilibrium. But between Vespa and the crutch, he managed to recover some sense of balance. Enough at least, that he was able to limp his way to the door. It wasn’t pretty. But at least he’d managed to avoid falling flat on his face. </p><p>Vespa hovered a step behind him- hands outstretched to catch him. But Juno could feel the weight of her pale eyes on his back. And he knew she wasn’t just worried that he’d topple over.</p><p>“Hey Steel?” She finally said with the ease of a failing engine. “I wasn’t kidding when I said Ransom looked rough. He didn’t take whatever the hell that was, well.”</p><p>Juno’s fist curled on the door frame, his jaw working. He didn’t need the reminder of just how badly he had screwed this one up. Nureyev had obviously seen what Juno had to offer, and had found it wanting. </p><p>“Aww. Vespa.” He managed to say “I didn’t know you cared.”</p><p>“I don’t,” Vespa bit back, liked Juno hoped she would. He may not particularly like Vespa. But it was nice to have a conversation with some who was as uncomfortable as he was. At least with Vespa, Juno always knew where he stood. “Ransom’s annoying enough as it is without having to deal with him sulking. Now get the hell out of my Medbay before I shoot you myself.”</p><p>‘I’m going, I’m going,” Juno said. “You really know how to make a Lady feel wanted.”</p><p>***</p><p>Juno limped his way down the hall to his room. It was slow going on the crutch. His leg burned with every lurching step. The trek seemed far longer than Juno remembered it being. Especially when he wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and never come out. The thought was the only thing keeping him upright.</p><p>But when Juno finally reached his room, he froze. The light was on. He could see it shining underneath the door. </p><p>He hesitated, hand hovering above the access pad. Because it wasn’t just his room anymore was it? It had been /their/ room for a while now. Technically a least. They’ve never actually had the conversation. But Nureyev slept here more nights than not now. </p><p>Despite all that, somehow the idea that Nureyev would come back here hadn’t even crossed Juno’s mind. </p><p>It had to be a good sign. </p><p>If Nureyev had been willing to come back, he couldn’t be too mad. Right? If he had wanted space, he’d go to his own room. Or the common areas. So, if he was here, he must want to talk. And that was a good thing. Even Juno knew that much.</p><p>But was he ready to talk about it? To face whatever judgement Nureyev had cast over what happened? The answer was an immediate and resounding no. </p><p>Juno had never wanted Nureyev to know how low he had sunk after losing his eye. But now he knew just how much of a train wreck Juno had been. Of course, Nureyev would want to talk about it. And there was nothing Juno could say that wouldn’t drive him away.</p><p>And right now? Juno wanted nothing more than to pull his blankets over his head and pretend the whole thing had never happened. </p><p>There was a couch in the firing range. Juno could hide out there for a while. Hell. There’s a chance Buddy had even left some booze. </p><p>The idea was tempting. More than tempting, if Juno was being honest. He didn’t want to have this conversation. Hell, he’d rather stay in one of Cecil’s shows than open the door right now. </p><p>And okay, Juno knew that wasn’t the healthiest. He was a changed Lady. Well, changing. He was working on it. Talking things out instead of drinking away all his problems.</p><p>But right now, Juno doesn’t have it in him to try. The best way to let a wound heal was to wrap it and leave it alone, right?</p><p>Vespa’s words stuck in his mind. Nureyev had looked rough. Bad enough that Vespa had not only noticed but brought it up. That alone was enough to keep Juno rooted in place even as every instinct told him to turn on his heel. More than anything else, he needed to know that Nureyev was okay.</p><p>The door opened. Juno stepped inside before he could change his mind.</p><p>The light was on. Nureyev’s ridiculously expensive mirrored pumps were kicked haphazardly by the door. The man himself was passed out on the bed. </p><p>He hadn’t even made it under the covers. Makeup on, glasses pressed between his cheek and pillow as he snored. Juno smiled, shaking his head fondly. For such a suave thief, Nureyev truly was a disaster. </p><p>A disaster who was going to break his glasses if he wasn’t careful.</p><p>Juno limped over, easing the slim metal frames free. He had intended to put them on the table for when Nureyev woke up. But he barely had them in his hand before Nureyev lurched upright.</p><p>Juno should have expected it. He had shared a bed with Nureyev enough to know that calling him a light sleeper was a gross understatement. A lifetime of uneasy rest in unsafe places was difficult to shake. But Juno’s nerves were shot. Brain fuzzy with exhaustion and pain meds. </p><p>He stumbled back with a shout. Nureyev’s glasses fell to the bed as Juno overbalanced. He teetered dangerously on the crutch. And would have fallen if Nureyev hadn’t reached out to grab him.</p><p>“Juno!” He cried, fussing as he eased Juno down to sit on the bed. He fumbled for his glasses. “What time is it? I thought I had enough time to… no that doesn’t matter. Oh darling, your poor leg.”</p><p>Juno blinked. Unprepared for the tidal wave of attention or the sheer amount of Nureyev’s rambling. He didn’t even fight as he was shifted around like a doll, bum leg lifted oh so gently to rest on the mattress. </p><p>Nureyev was pale, eyes rimmed in red. It looked like he hadn’t slept in a week. But Juno knew it had barely been a day. Mascara had left streaky trails down his cheeks. But that didn’t explain the bruises swelling under his eyes. Or the welt on his nose.</p><p>God. Juno had done that, hadn’t he? </p><p>“It’s fine Baby.” Juno fumbled for the words, even as he fought down a wave of nausea. He grabbed Nureyev’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Vespa said you were in the Medbay for most of the night. You must be tired</p><p>“Still, I should have been there!” Nureyev slipped a pillow under Juno’s leg, easing the ache. He wouldn’t look Juno in the eye. “And to think you walked all the way here on your own. What was Vespa thinking.?”</p><p>“That she was two seconds away from killing me herself,” Juno said, chuckling at the memory. But he stopped when he saw Nureyev’s face twist. “Are you… ah… You good?”</p><p>“I am now.” Peter smiled. And to anyone else, it would have looked genuine enough. But the corners of his eyes didn’t crinkle as they should have. Juno knows he’s hiding something. “Now, what do you need? Water? Or Hot chocolate perhaps?”</p><p>There it is.</p><p>Juno’s heart plummeted. Barely five minutes in the same room as him, and Nureyev’s already looking for an exit. For any excuse to get away.</p><p>“I’m okay,” He hears himself say. The words echo hollowly in his chest.</p><p>“No need to be stoic, my dear detective.” Nureyev’s already standing, halfway to the door. “It’s no bother really. Whatever you need, just give the word, and it's yours.”</p><p>“Damn it, Nureyev, I said I’m good!” </p><p>The words snapped out of him before Juno could stop himself. But the flash of red feels good. He held onto it, letting the anger fill the hole that was growing his chest. Otherwise, Juno knew he’d say something truly embarrassing. Like begging Nureyev not to leave.</p><p>Nureyev turned, staring at him with wide eyes. His hand was outstretched, reaching for the door. But he seemed rooted to the spot. Juno winced, already regretting his sharp tone. He was the one who had screwed up. Nureyev didn’t deserve that. </p><p>“I’m sorry, My darling.” Nureyev was back at Juno’s side in a heartbeat. He perched on the side of the bed, so careful that Juno didn’t even feel him sit. Like he was afraid that the slightest jar would make Juno shatter. </p><p>And Juno knows what comes next. He hunched his shoulders, bracing for the inevitable. For the moment when Nureyev finally came to his senses and left</p><p>Nureyev rested his hand on Juno’s good knee and squeezed It gently. “I should have been there when you woke up. I just… I couldn’t….”</p><p>And Juno gets it. Honestly, he did. Why would anyone want to stick around someone dumb enough to willingly have mind-controlling tech wired into their brain? Patient zero of an infection that had nearly destroyed Hyperion City. And he had infected himself.</p><p>“Look,” Juno said. He stared at the rows of knickknacks stacked on the shelf above their headboard. “If this is too much, you should go. I get it. I won’t force you to stick around.”</p><p>“What are you talking about?” Nureyev asked. “I’m not going anywhere.” </p><p>You should, Juno tried to say. But the words stuck in his throat. Nureyev was rubbing gentle circles into his knee. The same steady comfort that Juno had fallen in love with. But Nureyev was as tense as a coiled spring. And the familiar touch no longer felt right. </p><p>It felt like pity.</p><p>“Love, look at me. Please.” Nureyev said. The hand on his knee moved to his shoulder. The weight of it was unbearable. </p><p>Juno twisted away. And Nureyev’s hand dropped as if he had been burnt. “Juno?”</p><p>“Don’t.” Juno bit out. “Just, don’t.”</p><p>Nureyev frowned, searching his face with an intensity that Juno didn’t know what to do with. Nonetheless, he stood, giving Juno the room he had so gracelessly demanded. </p><p>And Juno feels his absence like a physical ache. But deep down he knows it’s a feeling he needs to get used to. He continued to stare at the shelf. There was a tiny crystal rabbit in the middle. Nureyev had gotten it for him on Despina. It wasn’t a sewer rabbit, but it looked close enough that Nureyev had swiped it without a second thought. Juno tilted his chin, blinking away tears.</p><p>Any moment now, he’d hear the sound of the door. It was fine. Juno understood. Nureyev deserved better. </p><p>Except the door didn’t open. When Juno finally worked up the nerve to look, Nureyev was watching him from the other side of the room.</p><p>“I think we need to talk about what happened yesterday. “ Nureyev said, leaning back against the wall, his arms crossed. </p><p>“What’s there to talk about?” Juno asked, short and clipped. “Nearly died, had a flashback. Did I tell you about the time I got tied to another murder chair? Like what are the odds that would happen twice.”</p><p>“This isn’t a joke, Juno.”</p><p>Juno. Not Darling, or Love, or Dear Detective. Just his name; cold and flat. Perfectly controlled. The complete vacuum of emotion that only appeared when Nureyev was well and truly angry. And at that moment, Juno knew they had reached the tipping point. </p><p>If he told Nureyev the whole story, then he would leave him for sure. But if Juno kept deflecting, then Nureyev would lose whatever little patience was keeping him here. It was an impossible choice. But in the end, it was an easy one.</p><p>“I’m not laughing,” Juno said. He could feel the weight of Peter’s dark eyes on him. They were always so damn bright. But right now it felt like they were burning holes right through him. </p><p>Nureyev deserved the truth. He deserved everything Juno had to give. Even if it wasn’t enough. </p><p>“Back on Mars, before the Lighthouse, I got stuck in one of Pilot Pereyra’s schemes.“ He said picking at the ragged edge of his sweats. “They stuck me in this messed-up chair, and I lost a lot of blood. Probably would have died if it wasn’t for the Theia. It wanted to take control of my body to save my life. And I let it”</p><p>Nureyev’s frown deepened. “The Theia soul?” He asked. “I thought the souls weren’t a problem until after you met Buddy.”</p><p>Juno couldn’t help but laugh, an empty bark of a sound. “Nah, I got to play with the prototype long before that.” He tapped his cheek, right beneath the edge of his eyepatch. “The Theia spectrum.”</p><p>“Your eye. I had wondered.” Peter said. And Juno knew his sharp mind was already connecting all the dots. “Which you could only have gotten from Mayor O’Flaherty. You worked for him?”</p><p>“Yep,” Juno said, popping the word as obnoxiously as he could manage. “Top of the line cybernetics. At the low low price of selling your soul. How could I refuse.”</p><p>“You never mentioned…”</p><p>“What?” Juno spat. Everything he had been pushing back since Mars rose to the surface in a caustic mass. “That I let a deranged old man shove something into my head because he said it was the only way I would amount to something? That I got duped like a 2-bit chump?”</p><p>“That isn’t what I meant.” Nureyev tried to say. But Juno cut him off </p><p>“Well, it’s what happened,” He snarled. “I’ve hurt so many damn people. Figured if the universe wouldn’t let me die, I might as well do something good for once. But I couldn’t even manage that.”</p><p>Nureyev’s silence echoed like an executioner’s drum. Now that Juno had started, he couldn’t stop. The words bubbling out of him in a rush. “Instead I let Ramses plug that… thing in my head! Became his pet attack dog so he could make his own brainwashed version of New Kinshasa. Hell, it’s no wonder you can’t stand to be in the same room as me.”</p><p>“Are you quite done?”</p><p>Juno grit his teeth, ready to lash out at the interruption. But Nureyev’s face was red, his jaw clenched. His hands were curled into fists by his side. Tight enough that his manicure must have been digging into his palms. </p><p>“I wish you had told me this earlier. And I am unimaginably sorry that you had to go through it alone.” Nureyev said, every word carefully measured. “Nonetheless. Do you still believe me to be that fickle? That one look at your past would send me running?”</p><p>“No. That’s not…” </p><p>“Uh-uh, I’ve decided it’s my turn now,” Peter interrupted. And the crystalline mask over his temper began to crack. “We talked about this. You don’t get to decide what I’m thinking. And you definitely don’t get to decide whether I should stay or go. “</p><p>“Okay. Not what I meant!”</p><p>Nureyev’s answering glare could have melted glass. “Explain it to me then.”</p><p>As if it was that easy. Juno made a frustrated sound, completely overwhelmed. He wanted to stand up. To pace around the room, or to close the gap between him and Nureyev. Or maybe just to run as far away from this conversation as he could. Juno didn’t know what he wanted to do. anything would be better than just sitting here, pinned by Nureyev’s stare. But even the thought of moving made his leg throb in warning. Juno knows he’s stuck.</p><p>He twisted a hand in his hair, tugging at the roots. The burn helped clear his mind. But he still can’t shape it into words. Can’t make Nureyev understand what should have been obvious.</p><p>“Why did you tell me your name?” He asked at last. And Juno doesn’t even know why he said it. But it feels right.</p><p>“Excuse me?”</p><p>Juno sighed, dragging his hand across his face. “That night in my office. You told me your name. It’s because I caught you, right?”</p><p>“Yes, I suppose. In part, “ Nureyev hedged, clearly uncertain of where the conversation was headed. “I did it because I liked you. Because I wanted to be with you.”</p><p>“Because I saw through your con!” Juno’s voice rose. “But that was a fluke! I’m no better than those dupes who get conned out of their life savings. That you con out of their life savings! So why am I worth your attention, huh? ”</p><p>“Is that what you really think?” Nureyev asked.</p><p>Juno scowled. “Seems pretty obvious to me.”</p><p>“Of course it would be,” Nureyev said snidely. But his voice cracked halfway through. A hand flew to cover his mouth. but it wasn’t enough to prevent the choked sound from escaping his lips. “Oh god. What was I thinking?”</p><p>“Wait, what?” Juno reeled back. Anger he had been prepared for. Disgust? Sure, bring it on. But he wasn’t sure what to make of this. He hadn’t prepared for a scenario where Nureyev might have another reason to be upset. And here Juno was, trampling right over him.</p><p>For a moment, it seemed like Nureyev was going to close the gap between them. But he seemed to think better of it, wrapping his arms tight around his middle. Too far away for Juno to reach.</p><p>“I left the Medbay because I needed a moment,” Nureyev said, bitter and twisted. “I had to hold you down while Vespa stopped you from bleeding out. You were so scared. And nothing I was doing helped. I needed… I had to calm down.”</p><p>Then he scoffed, head falling back against the wall with a thunk. “Good lord, how ridiculous I sound. I shouldn’t have left you alone. Not if you were in this headspace.”</p><p>“Oh shit. No sweetheart. That’s not…” Juno flailed, trying desperately to find the right thing to say. “This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have known.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you tell me about the Theia?” Nureyev asked again. </p><p>But the conversation was different now. The question weighted differently. “I didn’t want you to see that,” Juno said too tired to lie as Nureyev slumped against the wall. “You didn’t need to know what I looked like at rock bottom. That Lady isn’t me anymore.”</p><p>“I’m your partner,” Nureyev said. “Of course I wanted to know! I love you. All of you.”</p><p>“I know that!” Juno said. “It’s just that I…”</p><p>“That you don’t trust me.” Nureyev finished for him.</p><p>“No. Damn it, Nureyev, of course I do!”</p><p>“You were so scared. And I didn’t know why.” Nureyev pressed himself so tight against the wall it seemed like he was trying to fade into the paint. “It would have been fine if you thought I was some faceless Spector. But you knew exactly who I was. Didn’t you?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Juno didn’t try to deny it. </p><p>“Vespa kept shouting that we had to keep you calm.” Nureyev’s chin tremble. he squeezed his eyes shut. “But I only made it worse.”</p><p>“It’s nothing you did.”</p><p>“You’ll forgive me if I have difficulties believing that,” Nureyev sneered. “I would ask, however, that you not pander to my emotions.”</p><p>Juno tried to sit up. Suddenly aware of just how far away Nureyev was. But his leg seized the moment he tried to move. He looked around frantically for the crutch. It was leaning against the wall, just beyond his reach. He could only watch as Nureyev fell apart on the wrong side of the room.</p><p>“Listen to me, alright?” Juno said, desperation making him loud. Nureyev opened his eyes. A trapped fox staring down a hound. When had this gotten so out of control? “Look. When the Theia started wiring itself into my brain.”</p><p>Nureyev flinched. But Juno pretended like he hadn’t seen it. He knew if he stopped now, he’d never get this out. And more than anything, Juno knew he had to say this. “I started getting these really vivid dreams. Hallucinations I guess. I don’t even know.”</p><p>“I fail to see what this has to do with anything,” Nureyev said.</p><p>“You were there.” </p><p>‘I was?”</p><p>“It makes sense I suppose. I thought about you a lot after what happened.” That was the understatement of the year. Nureyev had barely left his thoughts the entire time they had been apart. A shadow that Juno had carried everywhere he went. For better or for worse. “The Theia took that, and mixed it with every other thought my messed up brain was producing.”</p><p>Juno took a deep, steadying breath.</p><p>“You called me a dog. Worse then. That I wrapped a collar around my brain, with the leash out my eye.”</p><p>“That’s…” Nureyev paused with a sympathetic grimace. “Certainly a vivid image.” </p><p>Juno forced out a chuckle. “It certainly stuck around.” He said, slumping forward as he draped his arm over his good leg. “Got hard to tell reality from not for a while there. But it sure seemed real at the time. You left me there, without a second glance.”</p><p>“And that’s why?”</p><p>“You have to believe me. It’s nothing you did. I just…” a ragged sob crackled from Juno’s throat. “I was so scared, Nureyev. At first, it was just an eye; I had my life back. But it kept updating. Over and over. Until it took control.”’</p><p>“Juno…”</p><p>“And the worst part? “ Juno pressed on, staring at his shoes. “I knew something was wrong from the start. But Ramses had me convinced I was worthless if I couldn’t shoot straight. And I believed him. Look where it got me.”</p><p>Juno jolted as something wrapped around him, tight enough that the air left his lungs with a whoosh. He looked down, surprised to see Nureyev kneeling on the ground in front of him. </p><p>As Nureyev’s head came to rest on his lap, Juno forgot what he intended to say entirely. He eased his finger’s through Nureyev’s hair, feeling the sticky catch of pomade.  It’s easy to let Nureyev’s weight ground him, to hold him in the moment. </p><p>“I’m such an idiot.”</p><p>“Not an idiot,” Nureyev whispered into his thigh. No matter how tightly he was holding on, he was so very careful to avoid touching Juno’s bad leg. “A fool, perhaps. But not an idiot.”</p><p>The familiar words make him smile. “That makes two of us.” </p><p>Nureyev let out a watery laugh, pulling him closer. Juno caught his cheek, raising his head until they were facing each other. </p><p>Nureyev grabbed his hand, kissing his palm before reaching up. His finger’s caught on the strap of Juno’s eyepatch, hovering in a silent question. Juno nodded shakily, letting Nureyev pull it off. </p><p>“I want to know,” Nureyev said, tracing the lines of his scarred eyelid with a reverent focus. “I want to know what you went through. What you had to survive to come back to me. Not just the things you think I need to know.”</p><p>It was a big thing to ask. And from anyone else, Juno would have balked at the demand. Would have let himself sink into the urge to hide the broken parts of himself away so no one could touch them. But Nureyev made him want to try.</p><p>He fell back onto the bed, making room for Nureyev to lay down beside him. Juno lets him settle before resting his head on his thief’s bony shoulder. It’s difficult to navigate with his bum leg. But they make it work. Juno knows they always will.</p><p>“Ask me tomorrow.” He says, already beginning to sink into the comfortable warmth of sleep. “Don’t think you’re getting out of this either. We can compare war stories tomorrow.”</p><p>Chapped lips pressed against his forehead. Warm and lingering. “Tomorrow.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well my lovelies, let me know how this is. As always, Kudos and reviews will make my day. I cherish them all. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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